If there’s anything I’ve learned, in this journey I am on.
Simply truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong.
Cause there are questions without answers, and flames that never die.
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise…

I never expected that such an ordinary day could change everything. Yesterday Rock was playing basketball at the base gym and someone {he had never met before} fell on him during a game, hurting his foot. After an initial ER visit we held our breath to see what they would decide to do about his condition.

Many tears later & my brain is still having a hard time computing the last phone conversation I had with my husband. He’s in surgery at the moment because of a ruptured achilles tendon and this means he will no longer be deploying next month. He will be able to meet our son when he is born.

Ever since we received the orders that he would deploy, I’ve been dealing with it and trying to get ready for life without him again. The last time Kevin was two and I had just graduated, so I devoted all my time to raising him alone. I knew that this time I would need to balance my photography business with a newborn and a four year old, so we began making a lot of changes that would help ease the process. Two of the biggest changes we made were finding homes for {our dogs} Delilah & Snowy and moving closer to family. We were both committed to making sure we did everything possible to prepare for the challenges of our situation. But in all honesty, getting ready for a deployment is difficult. You cope the best you can, knowing there are going to be so many things you must do alone when they are gone. We were in the stages where he would begin teaching me how to take care of things that he normally does. He gave instructions as they crossed his mind, “Don’t forget the car needs new tags this September…”

I visualized the next seven months a million times, it’s my way of adjusting to unpleasant circumstances. First there would a painful goodbye. Then, a short time later, I’d be checking into the hospital without him. I hoped we would be able to get word to him when it was time. He helped me labor through the night in Texas, but I promised myself I could do it on my own this time. I already felt the guilt of having the privilege to hold our newborn son, knowing he would not have that opportunity. He would miss the aroma of newborn lotion & the curiosity in his eyes as he would become acquainted with our world. I thought of Kevin, and worried that the separation would affect him much more significantly this time. As I received my weekly e-mails about the baby’s progress, I started to cringe as I saw how close I was to the end. I couldn’t make time stand still.

The most, and I mean, the most I even dreamed of asking for was that the baby would be born slightly early so that Rocky could hold him one time. Even if he had to miss the delivery, I just wanted him to be able to see him in person. I knew that it was almost impossible, so I didn’t count on it.
Now, through an odd, unexpected injury, he is going to be here for everything.

I see him slowly appearing in future mental photographs that he wasn’t supposed to be in… it’s surreal.

Kevin {three months} & Rocky ♥

We’ve been making a lot of changes to prepare for my husband’s upcoming deployment. The biggest one is that we’ve been boxing up our current house and moving {locally}. Well, we haven’t quite “moved in,” but that will come soon. There is some work to do on the new place, but we’re just tackling it a day at a time. Being very close to family will be a huge blessing with a newborn and very active four year old!

Another day I will probably reflect a little bit about what it’s like to brace yourself for a deployment while pregnancy hormones try to sabotage your sanity…  but for now I’m finding that the best medicine is to stay active. Talk to people {even when there’s not a lot to say}. Grab drinks at Sonic. Clean until it shines. Let it go when it’s not important. Hold him every chance you get. Speak openly about your fears. Stay fanatical about Lost {only three more hours left}. Sleep when you can. Work when insomnia doesn’t let you sleep. Take lots of pictures. There will never be enough, but they will mean everything when he’s gone. ♥

We also learned that my husband {probably, for sure} won’t be here when this little man makes his appearance in the world. He’ll miss it by about half a month. We’ve known this could be a possibility, but it was still hard to digest the actual announcement. I took some time to ponder this news and not so eloquently fall apart.
I wish I had the emotional capabilities of other military wives I’ve met & read about. Women who don’t flinch at the prospect of much more difficult scenarios, women who build empires as busy single moms, women who keep it all together & even thrive during deployments. I am envious of their strength.

I am {slowly} accepting the changes & preparing myself for what is ahead. The most valuable picture in my studio is from an ultrasound that I framed. At twelve weeks, this lovely baby held up his hand and showed us the tiniest five fingers I’ve ever seen before. I’ve been looking at his “high five” and feeling revived that he’s already melting my heart & inspiring courage. New life always brings joy.

I’ve begun a running list of everything that is going for me & what I can be thankful for:

• I live close to family & close friends. I will have support during my labor & assistance after Kevin’s brother gets here. This is huge & I realize it’s clearly an exception in the military world. I’m thankful.
• I have six months to lose this baby weight… I’m {almost} guaranteed to be smaller when he gets back.
• We can talk on Skype often. I still like sending some handwritten letters, but nothing beats seeing him on the screen {besides seeing him for real…}.
• As much as I hate the idea of Rocky missing summer, it’s easier to stay busy when we can leave the house and enjoy the weather.
• After I take some maternity leave, I have some gorgeous weddings lined up. I can look forward to capturing them & doing what I love.
• When I’m not working, I will be busy taking thousands and thousands of pictures of the boys. Rock will be thoroughly updated on our daily adventures.
• Rock will be at a stable location.
• Kevin will be a great big brother. He’s competent at following directions & helping me. When he chooses not to, bribing with peanut M&M’s works wonders.
• Rocky should be home sometime before Christmas. It will be amazing.
• Unnamed baby boy {who is really starting to need a name!} will be ready to roll, crawl, & start teething when he meets his Daddy. Rock can watch & applaud all the biggest milestones in person.
• When he returns, Rock will be on desert time for a while until he adjusts to our time zone. He’ll be up all night & want to go to bed early. He’ll have no problem hanging out with a teething baby while I blissfully catch up on some sleep.
• I’ll have plenty of time to rent all the chick flicks he doesn’t care for. {I must give the man credit, he did endure New Moon in its entirety at the theater}.
• Just like last time, we will learn a temporary normal. I’m thankful for the adjective “temporary.”
• Every lonely minute will be forgotten when we see him walk through the terminal. It will be pure euphoria when he meets his son, reunites with Kevin, and kisses me like it’s the first time.  ♥

{The adorable brown envelope & its yummy contents is curtesy of Alli from Hooray Design…  can’t wait until she restocks her Etsy shop!}

My funniest Christmas memory: The Monopoly Crasher

I mentioned that we started dating in December. When I say, “we dated,” by “we,” I mean my “entire family” dated Rocky. I have a huge family  and I had to share Rocky with all of them. This meant that instead of just going on little romantic dates alone, we would find ourselves in Gestures & Monopoly battles with whichever one of my seven siblings was home at the time. Things could get out control pretty quickly. I won’t say we are all cheaters, but none of us like to lose. I don’t think you’ve ever understood the word “intense” until you see how we play board games.

It was on a night like this that my dad answered the door to a guy about our age, dressed in his sunday best. My dad, the friendly person he is, led him to the living room couch and engaged him in some small talk. I assumed he was my brother’s friend, and we played on. They assumed he was my friend, and played on. By “played,” I mean got back to our belligerent & loud Monopoly game in the same room as this guest.

There was laughter, accusitions of cheating, and probably some bragging.

Finally, the confused man on the couch stood up & began talking. We all took notice.

“I must be in the wrong house… is this _____?”

No.

“He said to go to the house with all the cars so I assumed it was this one. I’m supposed to be at a wake…” he trailed off quietly.

We knew the person he was referring to and the tragedy that had just happened in the family. It became silent as we said goodbye and the realization of what happened sunk through us.

“So… you didn’t know him?”

“I didn’t know him. I thought you did.”

“We didn’t know him, figured he was waiting on you.”

We looked to my dad, who innocently shrugged and said that he was just being nice to who he figured was one of our friends. So the man thought he was in the midst of a grieving family and found instead… us.

I’d like to say that we kept quiet & learned to behave, but I’m pretty sure that will never happen.
We just try to do a bit more of an interview before we let random people sit on the couch.

To read some other funny Christmas memories, click here!

In the spirit of Christmas, I will try to narrow this post down to more festive topics.  I’m so curious at what other spouses have written {click here to see} but I am going to be a good girl and not peek until I am done with this post!

You Might be a Military Spouse at Christmas: Top Ten List

10. You receive Christmas cards from more than five states.

9. You have trouble buying for the man who has been issued everything he could possibly need {and has the closet to prove it}.

8. Coming “home” for Christmas is your gift.

7. You are a sucker for collecting anything military themed. Santas, nutcrackers, ornaments… you name it. We dust it off and proudly display it.

6. You instantly burst into tears at any commercial that hints at soldiers being away for the holidays, {thanks Best Buy & Walmart}.

5.  You’ve ever decorated the tree alone & taken about four thousand pictures of it for your deployed husband.

4. You know the words to the traditional carols, but can just as easily belt out all the lonely tunes.

3. You’ve ever told your children that packages that appear aren’t from Santa, but from the Daddy they haven’t seen in months.

2. Really, you don’t need any presents. One round of great sex will suffice when he gets home.

1. December 25 becomes just another day… it ceases to be the definition of Christmas for you. We have the amazing ability to make Christmas happen whenever we are together, whether it’s before, after, during the traditional day… or just somewhere tucked securely in our hearts that no war or absence can take away.

Bonus: No matter how thankful you are to have them home to participate in every tradition,  you feel the nagging & persistent reminder that it’s not going to be the same next year. Then you go back to feeling grateful for right now.

The best Christmas present I ever received: Diamond Earrings

As fall 2003 churned out colder temperatures, I kissed my single life goodbye. It was the only life I’d ever known for twenty years. I was the most surprised when the most handsome man I’d ever met became my boyfriend. We had our first date on Decemeber 6, after my younger brother’s high school basketball game. I really couldn’t have dreamed a better beginning, {and believe me, I was the queen of daydreaming}.

We both knew that we were going to marry each other pretty early on. I won’t call it love at first sight, because I had known him for a few years before we ever dated. I figured he was too handsome & intelligent to ever look twice at me, so I just took a mental picture of him & asked God for someone exactly like him. As our first Christmas rolled around, I think I picked out some nice boring gifts like sweaters.

He chose earrings.

He pretty much could have gotten me anything & I would have been thankful. But he chose them because a few days before, my ears came up in conversation. I told him I didn’t show anyone my ears, unless I was wearing my hair up for softball. It had been years since I had played softball. I kept my hair securely covering them, because I have the smallest ears of anyone in the world.
At least I thought so…

He decided to give me diamond earrings so that I would get over my insecurity & show off my ears. It took me a minute to hear him out as he explained his ulterior motive. I kind of wanted to hate him, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, “I love you.”

He has done a pretty good job at raising his sword to all my outrageous personal myths & insecurities… I only have a few left :]

Check out other Wives of Faith stories here.

*I will have to post a picture of them tomorrow, today went by too fast & I didn’t get a chance to photograph them!

I wish I had cute elementary school memory, but I guess I only save the bad ones. There’s no room left in my head for anything sweet or cute from those days {okay, exaggerating a lot}. After much thought, I guess that I will recount the best experience of gift giving that my poor memory will allow.

The Best Christmas Present I Ever Gave: Rocky the Crane {from Thomas & Friends}

It’s no secret that my son has had an obsession with Thomas since his second birthday. It started out innocent enough, a little train came in the mail from Toys R Us. Then he wanted all of them. To be clear, there are about five hundred.

He has accumulated quite a bit over the last two years, and one that we had set our sights on was Rocky the Crane. Mostly because it’s my husband’s nickname {one he’s had since a toddler}. When my husband was deployed, the original Rocky, I was shopping with my sister and happened to come across this evasive Rocky the Crane. For once, I didn’t rush to a computer & e-mail him that I found it. Kevin wasn’t with me either, so I was giddy about my little secret purchase.

We had planned on having a nice web chat on Christmas, but for some reason, his commander planned an exercise at 4 am the day after Christmas, so he had to go to bed early. We settled for a brief “hello, I love you, goodbye.” December 26th, our spirits were a little low but we decided to go ahead & do one gift. I really wanted Kevin to open something in front of him so he felt a little bit of Christmas in Afghanistan. I knew which one to select.

I had tears in my eyes as Kevin pulled open the pine tree wrapping paper and yelled “ROCKY!” I did my best to position them in front of the web cam so that my Rocky wouldn’t miss a moment. They discussed this new toy & I watched as father & son shared a conversation with each other that could only be possible due to the miracle of technology. Daddy felt so close to us.

So it wasn’t the biggest toy, the most expensive, or even the most heartfelt. However, it’s the one I’ll never forget. We waited until February to celebrate the rest of Christmas and it was wonderful. I just don’t remember all the other presents as clearly, because I was a little distracted with staring at my husband.
Thankful that the one gift I wanted was home safe.

Unfortunately, soon after Rock came home, Rocky the Crane suffered a severed wire. Daddy tried to solder them together, but Kevin broke it again after that. He is beyond repair & will someday be replaced. They were working on it in this picture.

Interesting enough, a new crane debuted this fall: Kevin. So now we have Rocky the Crane & Helping Hook Kevin :]

Click here to see the topic in its original form, via Wives of Faith’s website.

It turns out that Saturday is not a very good day to start a blogging series. After spending all morning in the kitchen baking, the afternoon at a photo shoot, then the evening enjoying my in-laws’ Christmas party… the post was never actualized. Yesterday’s topic was My Favorite Christmas Song. In all honesty, that one is a little hard to narrow down for me! Today, however, is pretty simple.

My Favorite Christmas Recipe: Sugar Cookies.

This was platter of cookies from last February, when my family celebrated Christmas {after my husband’s homecoming from Afghanistan}.

I bake a lot of cakes & cupcakes, but sugar cookies are always a holiday staple {in fact, they are what I was baking yesterday}.  My mother-in-law gave me a cookbook as a wedding present. It was a good thing too, because I had just turned 22 the day before my wedding and had no cooking experience. I was a bit overwhelmed with the big book, so I started where I felt most comfortable- desserts. At some point I tried this sugar cookie recipe, and decided I would always make them at Christmas. I love baking them when I am not rushed and Kevin can help & play in with the extra dough. I love seeing his ideas for what to make and his little creative mind at work. It can be a mess, but these cookies are always worth it!

I have started a little collection of cookie cutters. Okay, I’ll admit, it’s more of an obsession. I have a deep drawer full of them! They represent everything adorable about childhood. If you are ever looking for a little gift for me, cookie cutters & ornaments will always be cherished :]

From that same day, my husband Rocky & Kevin making shark cookies for our late Christmas.

Sugar Cookies {from Better Homes & Gardens}:

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour

Our Christmas morning tradition of homemade waffles topped with strawberries comes in a really close second…

If you were not able to read my previous post, I am participating in a A Blogger’s Christmas via Wives of Faith. I love to write & I love Christmas, plus it’s an excuse to post some personal photography.  As an Air Force wife, I also support the Wives of Faith organization & what they do to support & encourage spouses. I will continue to update my blog with weddings & photo shoots, so there may be a two posts a day at times.

Christmas is coming so soon & I look forward to the chance to reflect on Christmas topics daily… I just thought it would be a nice way to share my own thoughts & traditions from my favorite holiday :]

I try to do a little research with my couples before engagement sessions to understand what backdrop will suit them best. After a few questions, I discovered that Josh & Jacqui spent childhood summers on a lake in NY. It’s a huge part of their love story. We didn’t have access to that lake, but did what we could ;]

It was really windy {& cold}, so the dress shot was so natural. This is one of my favorites!

We just got back from our “honeymoon” in Mexico this week! It was definiely the best vacation we’ve ever taken. I’ve got a lot of work to post, it’s been a very busy {but wonderful} month. I’m trying to finish my clients pictures then I’ll share a little about our trip.  Have a happy weekend!

I love the idea of using the costume in portraits because fall always comes and goes too soon. Before we know it, they outgrow them…

Jack attacked her a few times, but it made for the sweetest pictures ;]

And one more…

I’ve been eying this field {after a couple sunset drives}, knowing it would be a perfect backdrop.